Herb’s Blog, Herbdate 22617 – 931
Here’s the haps:
A few years ago, back in 2004 – 2005, I had a blog called Herb’s Humor which ran at the same time as the main blog did but on a different server. It got to be too much to run both and I was far less consistent about posting than I am now if you can imagine such a thing. I don’t have sources for any of these but some of you may likely have heard them before. Feeling like I do I’m not going to go look up if I ever reprinted them here before. Hopefully, you will still enjoy them.
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, “Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?”
The guard replies, “They are 3 million, four years, and six months old.”
“That’s an awfully exact number,” says the tourist. “How do you know their age so precisely?”
The guard answers, “Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago.”
Sold That Ugly Suit
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk’s hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him.
“Guess what, sir?” the clerk said. “I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we’ve had so long!”
“Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?” the manager asked.
“That’s the one!”
“That’s great!” the manager cried, “I thought we’d never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we’ve ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?”
“Oh,” the clerk replied, “after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me.”
What Happened In Texas
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he left the bar sometime later, he realized that his horse had been stolen.
The cowboy rushed back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking, and then fired a shot into the ceiling. “Who stole my horse!” he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
“I’m gonna have another beer and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I’m finished, I’m gonna do what I did back in Texas. And let me tell you, I don’t wanna have to do what I did back in Texas!”
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
The cowboy had another beer, then walked outside to find his horse was back. So, he cinched up his saddle up and prepared to ride out of town.
The bartender wandered out of the bar and said, “Say partner, what happened in Texas anyway?”
The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home!”
Did you ever wonder why there isn’t mouse-flavored cat food?