The Haps With Herb

Grammar Checker V2

Grammar Checker V2

Herb October 16, 2004

Herb’s blog, Herbdate 16325-012:

Okay, this is where i am going to do it. I’m feeling lazy and uninspired this evening so I am going to let the grammar and spell checker in Microsoft Word XP run the show. For instance, where I use the pronoun “I” it tells me that I should not use the first person. Hmmm, that’s going to be interesting…Oh, it doesn’t like contractions, either. I think what I will do is type the whole thing up first, then go back and check the whole document and use the machine’s preferences everywhere. But, what to write about? Well, i could cop out and just type the first 175 words and then scan it and copy it below. I think i will. That way you can see the differences between my pitiful grasp of the English language and the superiority of the machine. Oh, man! Oh, man! i just had to get a couple of those in there because i thought it was such a hoot last time i used it. I know, it’s not particularly spontaneous, but, well, i guess i must feel a little lazy tonight. I do my best work in the morning. OOOHHH! OOOOHHHH!! Mr. Kotter! OOOH! How about this, also:

Eye Halve A Spelling Chequer

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

Sauce Unknown

Okay, i know, I’m having too much fun. Well, here we go, then. Time to run it through the checker, and do you know what? I STILL will have managed, by the time i end this sentence, to have broken 350!

The corrected text:

Okay, this is where Herb is going to do it. Feeling lazy and uninspired this evening, this writer is going to let the grammar and spell checker in Microsoft Word XP run the show. For instance, where the author uses the pronoun “I” it tells him that he should not use the first person. Hmmm, that is going to be interesting…Oh, it does not like contractions, either. This one think what I will do is type the whole thing up first, and then goes back and check the whole document and use the machine’s preferences everywhere. However, about what should Herb write? Well, Herb could cop out and just type the first 175 words and then scan it and copy it below. He thinks he will. That way you can see the differences between this writer’s pitiful grasp of the English language and the superiority of the machine. Oh, operate! Oh, staff! This writer just had to get a couple of those in there because he thought it was such a hoot last time he used it. He knows, it is not particularly spontaneous, but well, he guess he must feel a little lazy tonight. He does his best work in the morning. OOOHHH! (It says this is a fragment and to revise but this author feels that an interjection is something he is unable to edit appropriately.) OOOOHHHH! (It says this is a fragment and to revise but this author feels that an interjection is something he is unable to edit appropriately) Mr. Katter! How about this, also:

Eye Halve a Spelling Chaucer

Eye halve a spelling scheduler
It came with this writer’s pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye is wrong oar write
It shows this author strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist aches, is house cleaner?
It nose bee fore two long
In addition, eye can put the error rite
It is rare lea ever wrong.

Eye has run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter-perfect awl the weigh
This author’s torque tolled him sew.

Sauce Unknown

Okay, Herb knows, Herb is having too much fun. Well, here we go, then. Time to run it through the checker, and do you know what? Herb STILL will have managed; by the time, Herb ends this sentence, to have broken 350!

2 thoughts on “Grammar Checker V2

  1. Hi, Herb!

    Here’s a visit ‘from the future’ with feedback on this post for you, as agreed.

    Entertaining post, thanks for the chuckle!

    … interesting! The post is itself about checking spelling and grammar, so that’s a bit of a conundrum! 🙂 I’m going to go easy on you and slide past the multiple instances of lower-case ‘i’ where you should have upper-case ‘I’ in the first section — but I’m going no-holds-barred on the remainder on the grounds that this should have been already checked, if microshaft’s speel-chucking and grandma-hurling software does what it says on the tin (in my experience, it rarely does).

    This one thinkthinks what Ihe will do is type the whole thing up first, and then goesgo back and check the whole document […] He knows,knows it is not particularly spontaneous, butbut, well, he guessguesses he must feel a little lazy tonight […] Herb STILL will have managed; by the time,managed, by the time Herb ends this sentence, to have broken 350!

    I left one thing till last: Is it ‘Mr Kotter’ (first section) or ‘Mr Katter’ (second section)? That allusion isn’t familiar to me… I did a little digging; is it a reference to the character Arnold Horshack, played by the late Ron Palillo, in the sitcom ‘Welcome Back, Kotter’? I’ve never seen that. But here’s an odd coincidence: I’ve taken to using “Click me! Click me! Oh, Oh, click ME!” as the title text (which provides ‘mouseover tooltips’) on ?random links; I got that idea from Donkey, in ‘Shrek’ — it looks as though Dreamworks may have stolen that, perhaps?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dj3GH5myc3M

    (Whew, that took longer than I thought it would. But I don’t resent the time; thanks again for joining ?Random Raiders!)

    1. Okay, I admit I was in a small-i frame of mind in the early years. Yes, it is Kotter as in the Arnold Horshack reference. A lot like the donkey in the clip. I’m not sure if I will edit the post or not, though. Part of me wants to and part doesn’t because it’s like a piece of history.

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