The Haps With Herb

Grammar Checker V2

Grammar Checker V2

Herb October 16, 2004

Herb’s blog, Herbdate 16325-012:

Okay, this is where i am going to do it. I’m feeling lazy and uninspired this evening so I am going to let the grammar and spell checker in Microsoft Word XP run the show. For instance, where I use the pronoun “I” it tells me that I should not use the first person. Hmmm, that’s going to be interesting…Oh, it doesn’t like contractions, either. I think what I will do is type the whole thing up first, then go back and check the whole document and use the machine’s preferences everywhere. But, what to write about? Well, i could cop out and just type the first 175 words and then scan it and copy it below. I think i will. That way you can see the differences between my pitiful grasp of the English language and the superiority of the machine. Oh, man! Oh, man! i just had to get a couple of those in there because i thought it was such a hoot last time i used it. I know, it’s not particularly spontaneous, but, well, i guess i must feel a little lazy tonight. I do my best work in the morning. OOOHHH! OOOOHHHH!! Mr. Kotter! OOOH! How about this, also:

Eye Halve A Spelling Chequer

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

Sauce Unknown

Okay, i know, I’m having too much fun. Well, here we go, then. Time to run it through the checker, and do you know what? I STILL will have managed, by the time i end this sentence, to have broken 350!

The corrected text:

Okay, this is where Herb is going to do it. Feeling lazy and uninspired this evening, this writer is going to let the grammar and spell checker in Microsoft Word XP run the show. For instance, where the author uses the pronoun “I” it tells him that he should not use the first person. Hmmm, that is going to be interesting…Oh, it does not like contractions, either. This one think what I will do is type the whole thing up first, and then goes back and check the whole document and use the machine’s preferences everywhere. However, about what should Herb write? Well, Herb could cop out and just type the first 175 words and then scan it and copy it below. He thinks he will. That way you can see the differences between this writer’s pitiful grasp of the English language and the superiority of the machine. Oh, operate! Oh, staff! This writer just had to get a couple of those in there because he thought it was such a hoot last time he used it. He knows, it is not particularly spontaneous, but well, he guess he must feel a little lazy tonight. He does his best work in the morning. OOOHHH! (It says this is a fragment and to revise but this author feels that an interjection is something he is unable to edit appropriately.) OOOOHHHH! (It says this is a fragment and to revise but this author feels that an interjection is something he is unable to edit appropriately) Mr. Katter! How about this, also:

Eye Halve a Spelling Chaucer

Eye halve a spelling scheduler
It came with this writer’s pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye is wrong oar write
It shows this author strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist aches, is house cleaner?
It nose bee fore two long
In addition, eye can put the error rite
It is rare lea ever wrong.

Eye has run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter-perfect awl the weigh
This author’s torque tolled him sew.

Sauce Unknown

Okay, Herb knows, Herb is having too much fun. Well, here we go, then. Time to run it through the checker, and do you know what? Herb STILL will have managed; by the time, Herb ends this sentence, to have broken 350!

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