4 Submissions For Chel Owens “Terrible Poetry Contest” – Holiday Edition

December 14, 2023 Herb Holidays - holidaze, Humor, Poetry, Writing 31

Herb’s Blog, Herbdate 23322 – 1184

Here’s The Haps:

One of the large number of blogs I follow, Chel Owens, runs an occasional “Terrible Poetry Contest” where the rules are made by the previous winner. This one is a bit different because she has made the rules and you can read them here if you’re interested. That isn’t all she does on her blog and if you’ve never been, you may want to go and poke around a little bit. She writes about her Mormon beliefs, being a mother, life in general, touring Utah, her own (good) poetry, and other stuff.

This first one may or may not count. I’ve always thought of it as a winter type of song but it isn’t…exactly. My parody bears the same name as the original. I posted this in the A – Z challenge in 2022, I think.

Favorite Things

Butter on hot toast
And bacon a sizzlin’
Coffee pot perkin’
And drippin’ and drizzlin’
When my morning starts out with caloric flings
I’m thankful for some of my favorite things

Biscuits and gravy
And fritters and donuts
Are all so tasty
They just make me go nuts
Of pancakes and waffles and syrups I sing
For these are just some of my favorite things

There’s leftover lasagna
And pizza in fridges
And hot dogs and burgers
And Ruffles with ridges
Chocolate chip cookies from the oven they bring
Food is just some of my favorite things

When my doc nags
About my weight
It kinda makes me sad
It’s then I remember my favorite things
And I don’t care if I’m fat

What Child Is This?

What child is this, who scrapes his knee
And to Mary, he cries, while she’s sleeping?
He seems like any other kid
With ouchies and boo-boos (I’m sure he did).
He falls down and then starts bleeding.

She says, “Don’t wipe your nose on your robe!
Washing the clothes is harder than you’d believe
And if you don’t take care of your nose
People will call you Greensleeves.”

A Weigh In The Bathroom

Based, of course, on Away In A Manger

A weigh in the bathroom
The scale tells lies!
two ounces of cheesecake
can’t add five pounds to my thighs!

This season is dangerous
Christmas cookies abound
With pies and candies
everywhere to be found

I love the Lord Jesus
and His birthday
But with all the good food
It just adds up every day

Singer Brenda Lee just celebrated her 79th birthday on Monday, the 11th. Her song, Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree was Billboard’s Number One hit holiday song for 2023. My parody should resonate with pet owners, particularly cat owners. This is based on more than one personal experience.

Knockin’ Down Your Christmas Tree

I’m knocking down your Christmas tree
I’ve got to get that star on top
It keeps blinking a challenge to me
I have to make it stop

I keep knocking down your Christmas tree
and as I climb it you hear me sing
You rush into the room and yell at me
When you hear the glass crashing

You explode with sentimental
feelings all can hear
For some reason, you don’t sound jolly
And the neighbors can hear you down the hallway

I’m knocking down your Christmas tree
I’m a curious kind of cat
Shiny baubles and lights everywhere I see
I just have to bat
I just have to bat at that…