Herb’s Blog, Herbdate 23238 – 1160
Here’s the haps (Late Edition):
This is not my normal Throw-It-back-Thursday but while I was mowing the grass I had time to think about a few things I’ve heard or read recently. A few things to ponder, perhaps, along with a couple from the turn of the century. In fact, the last one about Bubba (one of my personal favorites) was in an email from 1999. The joke is older than that, though.
If you get bitten by a radioactive barrister will your superpower be a power of attorney?
I got an eye-roll from my teenage grandson when I asked him what he thought might have happened if, instead of a radioactive spider, Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive dung beetle.
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy, and a priest rode in a small private plane and engine trouble developed. Despite the pilot’s efforts, the plane started down. The pilot grabbed a parachute, told the passengers to jump, and he bailed out.
But there were only three parachutes left. The doctor grabbed one and said, “I’m a doctor, I save lives, so I must live.” He jumped.
The lawyer said, “I’m a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live.” He grabbed a parachute and jumped.
The priest looked at the little boy and said, “My son, I’ve lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace.”
The little boy handed the parachute back and said, “Not to worry, father. The ‘smartest man in the world’ just took off with my backpack.”
Gravity is a fundamental force. If you remove it, you get gravy.
I spent hours trying to remember what the opposite of “night” was. But, in the end, I just had to call it a day.
So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means. Is that the end of the world?
Bubba bragged to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone in the world there is to know. Just name someone, anyone.”
The boss calls his bluff, “Okay, Bubba, how about Tom Cruise?”
“Sure, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.”
Bubba and his boss fly to Hollywood and knock on Tom’s door. Sure enough, Cruise shouts, “Bubba, great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch.”
Bubba’s boss was impressed, but skeptical. Afterward, he told Bubba he thought he was just lucky. “Just name someone else,” Bubba says.
“President Biden,” the boss says. “Yes, I know him, let’s fly to Washington,” Bubba replies, so off they go.
At the White House, Joe spots Bubba and motions him and his boss over. “Bubba, what a surprise. I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in, and let’s have a cup of coffee first and catch up.”
Now the boss is shaken, but still not totally convinced. After leaving the White House, he expresses his doubt. Bubba implores him to name another.
“The Pope,” says the boss. “Sure,” says Bubba. “I have relatives in Buenos Aires and I’ve known the Pope a long time.”
They fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards, so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.”
Bubba disappears into the crowd. A half-hour later, Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. His boss sees him and the Pope joking around.
But by the time Bubba returns, he finds his boss has passed out and is on the ground, surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss’s side, Bubba asks, “What happened?” His boss looks up and says, “I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, `Who’s that on the balcony with Bubba?'”