Herb’s Blog, Herbdate 23294 – 1179
Here’s The Haps on Throw It Back Thursday:
Several people were gathered for the reading of the Will of a very wealthy man. A very distinguished gentleman sitting at the head of the table, cleared his throat and read, “To my loving wife, Rose, who stood by me through the rough times, as well as the good, I leave the house and two million dollars.
“To my wonderful daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in illness and kept the business going, I bequeath the yacht, the business and one million dollars.
“And to my cousin, Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would not remember him in my Will, you were wrong . . . Hello, Dan.”
A man was driving down a country road in the middle of dairy farm country when his car stalled inexplicably. He got out and raised the hood to see if he could find out what had happened.
A brown and white cow slowly lumbered from the field she had been grazing in over to the car and stuck her head under the hood beside the man. After a moment the cow looked at the man and said, “Looks like a bad carburetor to me.” Then she walked back into the field and began grazing again.
Amazed, the man walked back to the farmhouse he had just passed, where he met a farmer. “Hey, mister, is that your cow in the field?” he asked.
The farmer replied, “The brown and white one? Yep, that’s old Bessie.”
The man then said, “Well my car’s broken down, and she just said, ‘Looks like a bad carburetor to me.'”
The farmer shook his head and said, “Don’t mind old Bessie, son. She don’t know a thing about cars.”
A guy was walking along the beach when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt and then, lo and behold, it was a very old oil lamp. He started to buff it to remove the verdigris when “poof,” a genie appeared.
This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy three wishes.
“I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates, ” says the guy.
The genie said, “You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What’s your second wish?”
“Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, onboard GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile.”
“That’s easy,” says the genie. He waves his hand and the best car anybody has ever seen pops out of the lamp.
The genie then asks the guy for his third wish.
The guy mulls the problem over and over. A girl… Nah. With billions and billions of dollars, he certainly had become a chick magnet. World peace? Only wackos want that. The guy found a reason not to wish for anything that came to his mind.
“Genie,” the guy said, “I can’t think of anything now. May I save the third wish for later?”
“This is most unusual. But you hold the hammer, I can’t escape from this lamp until you make a third wish. Call me when you’re ready,” and whoosh the genie disappears into the lamp.
He carefully picks up the now-ever-so-valuable lamp and places it in the trunk of the fire engine red Porsche. He turns the radio on to balance the sounds and makes all the other adjustments needed to get his great audio system customized to his ears.
After that, he pulled off the beach and headed south along the Pacific Coast Highway.
Soon he was up to 60, then 70, then 80. The Porsche handled perfectly.
He was so happy that he began to sing along with the familiar commercial on the radio, “Oh, I wish I was an Oscar-Mayer Wiener…”