Herb’s Blog, Herbdate 22611 – 925
Here’s the haps:
From the archives, I thought I would share a couple of oldies-but-goodies with you. It’s possible, especially with younger readers, that these jokes are older than you are. Oh well, they still make me laugh every time I read them so I hope they will have a similar effect on you, as well.
The Smiths were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards.
They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose – how to handle that great-uncle George, who was executed in the electric chair.
The author said he could handle the story tactfully.
The book appeared. It said, “Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock.”
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.
“If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,” boasts Gates, “you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50.”
“Sure,” says the GM chairman. “But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?”
Roman soldier at the Coliseum: “We’ve got a capacity crowd, but we’re still losing money. The upkeep on the lions is huge!”
Second Roman soldier: “Yes sir, those lions sure do eat up the prophets.”
An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter in the address, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Your Loving Husband P.S. Sure is hot down here.