Herb’s Causing Marriage Problems At The Walmart Store (Maybe)

Herb’s Blog, Herbdate 22598 – 911

Here’s the haps:

I was in the sporting goods aisle looking at some of the camping equipment and had noticed a young couple who were discussing something a bit intently and I walked away. When I came back the young man was still there. I said hello to him and made a bit of small talk. “I’m trying to convince her that I need a machete.” He was young enough to be my son, probably my grandson, so I offered my fatherly wisdom. “Oh, every man ought to have a machete. Just go ahead and put it in your cart and if your wife says anything just tell her that the old guy in the aisle said that every man ought to have a machete and that you’re going to get one no matter what she says.” He grinned at me and said “thanks” and plucked one from the peg and strode away. I strode away quickly in the opposite direction.

What‽‽‽ Okay. So here’s the deal. Either he is (as I think he was) a young GI who has been around the block and was smart enough to take my advice with a grain of salt but, not wanting to be openly disrespectful, walked away and either, depending on multiple factors, had a good laugh with his wife or sat the thing down on a shelf somewhere. Or he was stupid enough to actually do what I said. The young lady needs to know if he is really that much more of an imbecile than the common man. Of course, some very moderate, middle-of-the-road solution could have been arrived at, but that would make for a far less entertaining story, to be sure, even though it’s likely. I mean, the thing was only five or six bucks.

Every man ought to have a machete.


  1. A few decades ago, I bought a used Honda Civic. While vacuuming the interior a few days after purchasing the car, I discovered a rusty machete beneath the driver’s seat. Long after reselling the car, I still have the machete.

  2. True story. I went to the hardware store by myself to pick up something or other about a year ago and I came back with a machete. “Why did you get a machete?” My wife asked.

    Every man ought to have a machete.

  3. A friend of mine bought himself a machete once and told his wife these very words. To this day in fact, that machette still hangs in the front hall, but no one’s heard from him since. Hmmm???
    Laugh Hard at Christmas

  4. There is a corollary to your rule that every man needs a machete: No man needs a $5 machete. The second corollary is that every man should keep his landscaping under sufficient control so as to not need a machete, no matter how good.

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