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NaBloPoMo Day 21 – Jokes Can Be (And Often Are) Recycled – I Was Home Schooled?

Herb’s Blog, Herbdate 22570 – 883

Here’s the haps:

I found this in my email archive. It’s about 7 years old. Larry T. sent it to me back then. One of the joys of Gmail is you can keep stuff forever. It’s not as old as some of the stuff I’ve posted though.

My generation was HOME SCHOOLED in many ways.

  1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
    “If you’re going to kill each other do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
  1. My mother taught me RELIGION.
    “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
  1. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
    “If you don’t straighten up I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
  1. My father taught me LOGIC.
    “Because I said so, that’s why.”
  1. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
    “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck you’re not going to the store with me.”
  1. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
    “Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you’re in an accident.”
  1. My father taught me IRONY.
    “Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
  1. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
    “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
  1. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
    “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
  1. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
    “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
  1. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
    “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
  1. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    “If I told you once I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
  1. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
    “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out…”
  1. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
    “Stop acting like your father!”
  1. My mother taught me about ENVY.
    “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
  1. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
    “Just wait until we get home.”
  1. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
    “You are going to get it from your father when you get home!”
  1. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
    “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes they are going to get stuck that way.”
  1. My mother taught me ESP
    “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
  1. My father taught me HUMOR.
    “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes don’t come running to me.”
  1. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
    “If you don’t eat your vegetables you’ll never grow up.”
  1. My mother taught me GENETICS.
    “You’re just like your father.”
  1. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
    “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
  1. My mother taught me WISDOM.
    “When you get to be my age you’ll understand.
  1. My father taught me about JUSTICE.
    “One day you’ll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you.”

Comments

26 responses to “NaBloPoMo Day 21 – Jokes Can Be (And Often Are) Recycled – I Was Home Schooled?”

  1. Bruce Goodman Avatar

    It’s amazing how universal the expressions of parenthood are!

    1. Herb Avatar

      It really is.

  2. Geoff Stamper Avatar

    Yep, those travel well.

    1. Herb Avatar

      I agree.

  3. Webb Blogs Avatar

    This was great! I remember hearing quite a few when I was a kid. 🤣🤣

    1. Herb Avatar

      A lot of people have been saying that.

  4. Marty the Writer Avatar

    Think of all the kids who didn’t get this knowledge and had to learn on their own…

    1. Herb Avatar

      I guess life is tough, huh?

  5. kagould17 Avatar

    Oh, how many of these have we all heard in our young lives. The question is, would we dare say them now? Great share Herb. Allan

    1. Herb Avatar

      Good question. Maybe not all of them exactly the same way…

  6. haoyando Avatar

    This is funny, especially “Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you’re in an accident”. I did hear a story that a friend’s friend was in a car accident. When she was in the ambulance rushed to the hospital, all she could think was her underwear. It was white but half dyed pink since she washed it with some clothes that shed color during the washing process. She didn’t want to throw it away since it is otherwise still wearable.

    1. Herb Avatar

      It’s funny what your mind goes to in a stressful situation like that.

  7. Sarah Angleton Avatar

    These are wonderful. And I have probably said a few of them over the years.

    1. Herb Avatar

      I think we all have.

  8. Tony Laplume Avatar

    Although I certainly wouldn’t endorse anyone saying this stuff as a parent of the year or anything, some of them are funny, and at least was definitely intended to be. Hopefully.

    1. Tony Laplume Avatar

      (at least one was…)

      1. Herb Avatar

        My favorite has always been that you’ll have children and they’ll be just like you. And it’s true, lol.

  9. Jim Borden Avatar

    the wisdom of our elders – it’s timeless…

    1. Herb Avatar

      Yup.

  10. AJMcGregor Avatar

    I’m pretty sure I’ve said a few of these things myself. Now I know how valuable the lesson I was teaching was!

    1. Herb Avatar

      Lol. It goes full circle, I think.

  11. Amber Avatar
    Amber

    Yes the good ol’ growing up times

    1. Herb Avatar

      You know it well?

  12. Mr. Ohh's Sideways View Avatar

    My father taught me punnishment If you die doing that I’ll never speak to you again
    ;;
    ;;
    ;;
    Keep Laughing

    1. Herb Avatar

      lol. I hear that.

      1. Mr. Ohh's Sideways View Avatar

        I have heard some of yours but That was my Favorite 🤣😂🤣

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