Herb’s blog, Herbdate 22100-671: Originally written and/or posted previously elsewhere on Herbdate: 17,914 aka 02/22/2009:
This is part 2 of 3 (It actually turned out to be 4)
My character, Professor Frederick Von Googleheimer, Penguin Scatologist First Class, is receiving an explanation of where the money I am supposed to send him is going. He is only asking for $525 and in exchange I will get $300M or is it $700K? Doesn’t matter. I won’t be getting any of it because I have no intention of sending any money or anything else to this bozo. Here was the newest scam letter.
FROM JOHNSON CHAMBERS AND ASSOCIATE email@example.com
Dear Frederick Von Googleheimer,
I Have Applied for the Notarization Of your funds and also let you know that i got a copy of your Identification,
You don’t say? My identification?
Note that this documents have to be issued to you as a beneficiary of COEFA. The High Court Through Her Clerk Have Requested that We Obtain the Underlisted Documents From the Government Parastatals Involved and Once all the Document Have Been Approved, Then The Court Order For the Clearance Of Your fund Will Be Released to you.
Below are the Requested Documents and I Have Been Able to Go Round the Offices Involved to Get the Exact Fee Required for the Papers.
(i) Affidavit Of Claims: This Affidavit Of Claim Will Be Sworn By Me (Your Legal Representative) In the Presence Of the Commissioner Of Oath. This Is Going to Cost Just Forty-Five Dollars ($45)
(ii) Metropolitan Police Clearance: The Metropolitan Police Clearance Will Be Obtained at the New Scotland Yard. This Is a Clearance From the Police that Will State that the Funds is Free Of all Form Of Crisis and therefore Cleared for Delivery. The Public Relations Officer Of the Met. Police Said this Will Cost Only Two Hundred and Fifty Dollars. ($250)
(iii) House Of Lord Clearance: The Clerk Of the British House Of Lord Will Have to Also Issue a Clearance Showing that they are Aware Of the Funds to Be Transferred to You and Thus Endorse Same; This Will Only Cost Thirty Dollars ($30)
(iv) Queens Clearance and Transfer Permit: The Queens Clearance and Transfer Permit Is Issued From Her Royal Majesty’s Office. This Is Like a Traditional Homage that Is Paid By All Individuals Moving Funds In and Out to the Crown Of England, Though a Compulsory Charge But Also a Sign Of Respect and Form Of Maintenance Fee to the Royal Home Of England. This Will Only Cost Two Hundred Dollars. ($200)
According to the Royal High Court Of London, They Will Inspect All this Four Clearance Document After Which They Will Endorse the Notarization Paper, Which will Allow Your Bank Draft a Free Movement From the United Kingdom to Your Country Of Residence.
It Will Take Me About Five Hours to Get all the Clearance together and this Is Why we going to use Your Passport Photograph to Apply Anywhere When It is Needed. Because Of the Urgency Of the Transaction, Please Transfer the total Required Fee Of Five Hundred and Twenty-Five Dollars ($525) to My Junior Colleague In this Chamber via Western Union Money Transfer Since Western Union Is the Only Fast Way Of Getting the Required Fee Here On Time. To make the transfer at Western Union Money Transfer, kindly use My Junior Colleague information below:
Receivers Name: Mrs. Amanda Wesley
Receivers Address: 1, Westferry Circus,Canary Wharf, London E14 4HA
Country: United Kingdom
The Information Above Is All You Need to Make Payment At the Western Union Office. Immediately You are Able to Send the 525 British Dollars, You Will Be Given a Money Transfer Control Number At the Western Union Office. Get Back to Us With the following Information Below:
Name Of Sender:
Address Of Sender:
Money Transfer Control Number. (MTCN):
We will Be Able to Pick the Funds Within Twenty Minutes After we Receive Your Email Which Include the Payment Information, This Is Because We Have a Western Union Agent Opposite Our Office Here In London Whom We Shall get the Funds Through.
I want you to be informed that as soon as all the documents has been gotten from the court your funds will be given to you in full.
Barrister Mr. Johnson Clark, legal Adviser
Chevron Texaco Oil and Gas Company.
London, United Kingdom
The information transmitted in this electronic communication is intended only for the person or entity to whom it is addressed and may contain confidential and/or privileged material. Any review, retransmission, dissemination or other use of or taking of any action in reliance upon this information by persons or entities other than the intended recipient is prohibited. If you received this information in error, please properly dispose off this information
I even left the little blurb at the end which is supposed to sound really, really official and which is attached to most correspondence from corporate e-mail addresses. Except most of them are not Hotmail accounts. Also, did you notice the currency? 500 British dollars? Well, Herr professor noticed, too.
I will give you the end of the conversation in part 3 tomorrow.
It seems that you did not properly dispose of this information. Watch out. Barrister Mr. Johnson Clark, legal advisor, might just come after you.
That would be interesting. knock-knock. “I’m here to serve papers on a Professor Frederick Von Googleheimer…”
I’m sorry officer, can you repeat that name three times fast?
Love this! My coworkers once convinced a hacker who hijacked one of their computers and held all the files hostage, that they were in fact a poor half dumb Balkan guy, who didn’t speak English and was trying to move out of his mother’s basement. Over a string of emails they actually convinced the guy to feel sorry for them and unblock the files. ‘Sorry my English very bad, we are 5 brothers in one room and grow lettuce on pavement. – I sit inside internet cafe, not bank, can’t transfer money here. – Wait, you want to buy ME this bitcoin? No sir, you’re too much nice. – I only want my CV to get a job to pay for hot water.’ And so on.
Oh, that’s a great story! I really like that. It’s interesting that his crook had a little bit of compassion. This guy was ruthless. Thanks for that comment, it made my day!
You’re welcome, it was hilarious haha
I think what keeps throwing me over edge on this one is the hideous capitalization. Can you imagine how that would slow down the keyboarding if you had to keep capitalizing like that? The whole letter is COMPLETELY MORONIC. I’ve really enjoyed it and look forward to the next instalment.
Oh it was hard to read, but the whole thing made me so angry.
No kidding. These idiots have no conscience!