I originally posted this on one of the earlier incarnations of this blog on 06/23/09. I didn’t re-post it on that date here because I have rewritten a few lines of it. It was, in fact, called, “Duck.”
When we lived at the old house I used to have to park in the street. It was the top of the main street of that neighborhood on a “T” intersection. One of the dangers and nuisances in doing this is that sooner or later some drunken clown is going to damage your vehicle and thus did it, even so. Some unknown knuckleheaded scoundrel, probably a drunkard and a varlet as well, broke my driver’s side mirror off the minivan a few months back and it just hung there.
The cost to replace the mirror itself is around $80 used ($250 new) not counting labor or time spent if you do it yourself. But, wait a minute campers. Don’t despair! There is a miracle available for just a couple of dollars. A secret old Army repair tool called one-hundred-mile-an-hour tape, or known to civilians as variably duct tape or duck tape. It’s called hundred-mile-an-hour tape because it could hold a jeep together, whatever part or parts needed repairing, at speeds up to one hundred miles an hour.
Used by the Army and veterans alike since it was invented in the 40’s it is the perfect addition to any toolbox and a must-have if you have a broken mirror and you don’t want to spend hundreds of dollars to get it repaired. You will probably recognize this as a standard part of any toolbox. All you really need to have is a roll of this, some WD40, 3-in-one oil, one each flathead and Phillips screwdriver and pliers. What else do you need? Since Carter is a crusty old horse soldier, retired Army staff sergeant and has feet whose smell could make a Yeti jealous; and he uses “Duck” brand tape, I decided that’s what I would buy, with the Trust E. Duck logo.
I secured the mirror against the vehicle with my belly (Carter doesn’t have much of a one compared to me so I don’t know how he manages to fix stuff) and put some preliminary strips of tape lengthwise to hold it on. Easy to rip while holding something, then I wrapped it around the length-wise strips.
Then the test. Is “Duck” brand tape really hundred-mile-an-hour tape?
I wouldn’t know. The van wouldn’t go above 65, so the best I can say from personal experience is that Duck brand tape is sixty-five-mile-an-hour tape.
Herb “Mr. Fix-It Himself” Thiel.