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Pulled From The Archives – Not Exactly A Trifecta

Herb’s Blog, Herbdate 23447 – 1205

Here’s the haps:

I’m glad I am a packrat. Especially a cyber packrat because then I can go back through e-mails I have saved on my external hard drive from as far back as 25 years ago and share jokes with you that are so old they seem new again. At least that’s my hope. There are some that I have seen more than once since that time, like this one:

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, “Say, Father, what causes arthritis?”

“Mister, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man.”

“Wow,” the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. “I’m very sorry, I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”

“I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.”

While hiking in the woods, Nate and Sam found this huge rock which had an old iron lever attached to it. Etched into the rock was the following inscription:

“If this lever is pulled, the world will come to an end!”

Nate wanted to pull the lever and see what would happen, but Sam, being a paranoid pessimist, greatly feared this! He said to Nate that if he tried to pull the lever, he’d shoot him!

In a daring attempt, Nate lunged for the lever, and sure enough, Sam shot him!

What is the moral of this story? Better Nate than lever!

And don’t forget what Noah said, “Now I herd everything!”


19 responses to “Pulled From The Archives – Not Exactly A Trifecta”

  1. Quippery Avatar

    Better Nate than lever… You are the King of finding puns, Herb!

    What do you call the King of herbs? Elvis Parsley.

    1. Herb Avatar


  2. Phil Strawn Avatar

    Good ones, Herb. The Popester really does have arther.

    1. Herb Avatar

      lol, I kind of figgered. I hope nobody got offended by that one.

  3. dumbestblogger Avatar

    I’m sure glad Sam was a good shot!

  4.  Avatar

    Great stuff, Herb…wholesome and witty. Thanks for sharing.

    1.  Avatar

      I am john liming not anonymous… although I probably should become so. LOL

      1. Herb Avatar

        I don’t know why it does that to you. I’m sorry.

    2. Herb Avatar

      Thank you!

  5. issababycreates Avatar

    I’ll use these. Thanks! 😂

    1. Herb Avatar

      Please do!

  6. Mr. Ohh's Sideways View Avatar

    Was Sam’s shot Whiskey or Bourbon? and speaking of the archives. I just wanted to say I miss the Coffee With Herb Awards. You should restart that. I’v met some great bloggers through that award. 🤣😎🙃

    1. Herb Avatar

      Sam might have been better off…I know you’re right about the coffee award but it’s a matter of time and my need to straighten out this issue with the site.

      1. Mr. Ohh's Sideways View Avatar

        True. But I for 1 Miss it. Just so you know 🤣😎🙃

        1. Herb Avatar

          Thank you. I’ll see what I can do.

  7. Geoff Stamper Avatar

    All new to me but now I think I have herd everything. I think I would have remembered the Pope’s arthritis if I had heard that one!. The world sure did end for Nate!

    1. Herb Avatar

      😉I guess everything old really is new again. except my knee.

  8. J P Avatar

    I am starting to wonder if someone didn’t pull that lever some time around 2017 . . . .

    I laughed at the priest-on-a-train joke. It’s a good reminder that religious folks who wear visible signs of their calling don’t have the luxury that the rest of us do for saying stupid things when in an irritable mood.

    1. Herb Avatar


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