On Dec 2 I received this mess(age) from my close friend and business associate, Hadji.
I acknowledge your willingness to assist me. I need you to collect my £5million Five million Pounds lodged with the Bank in England and distribute 80% of it based on my instructions to orphanages in any charity organization of your choice and you will keep 20% for your self for your kindness. I would need the following information from you so i can contact you any time i want. (Now we are at the part where he tries to not only get my info, but make me feel close to him. ICK!)
1. Your full name.
2.Telephone and fax number
3. A Picture of you so i will know who i am dealing with
would please me more than to know that you will disburse the funds discreetly
helping the poor orphans. (WHAT?!? I thought I was helping rich orphans!)
I got your contact through our trade mission .(I am not even sure I know what a trade mission is, let alone ever have given them any info, but oh well) I deemed it necessary to contact you for this trustworthy transaction. All whom I needed (His grammar) is a sincere, honest trustworthy individuals whom will absolve assist me.
Below is the contact of the bank in England.
Name of Bank: United National Bank.
Name to contact: Mr. Sean Williams
United National Bank
Tel: +44-207-060-1840 Extension 5
to contact the accountant of UN Bank Mr.Sean Williams to tell you what to
do. I have already told him you will contact him so he will be waiting
for you. On the attachment you will find my resent (guess he means
he sent them to someone else, first) pictures in the hospital.
Here are his pictures:
Then, in what was to be my final reply I responded to all of this. I should not have turned him down quite so thoroughly, but maybe he was sick of me anyway. I admit, I did give it to him pretty thick, but I didn’t get the finale I wanted, the closure of telling him what a slimy rotten pile of week-old sardines he was, but there will be a next time.
Hadji! And Sean,
How good to see you. I am afraid we will not be able to do business after all. (I shouldn’t have said that. I should have said something that would have left it open-ended so he could try and offer me something new) I do not have a telephone or fax as when I was a young boy, my brother, Fritz, was doing an experiment in his chemistry set and it exploded, leaving me quite deaf in both ears. Since I spend a lot of time sailing on the “Scat” it is hard for me to access a fax, since penguin studies camp on Heard Island has limited communication and is for official use only. Alas, it’s a shame, too. That million would translate into almost 8 million Israeli New Shekels and might get me a real nice mizzenmast, too.
I am really sorry, because in my line of work I don’t make very many friends. I see a nice-looking girl and she says, “What do you do?” I say to her, I say, “I am a senior penguin scatologist” and she walks away. You cannot imagine the things my few male friends have to say to me, so I was looking forward to the camaraderie with Hadji and now Sean, whom I would nickname “Insane Sean.” Hahahahaha! Well, unless we can do this by e-mail, I guess the whole thing is off. (I said it again) I haven’t even got a good picture of me to send you, but I sent one of me working and one of our base camp and also one of my brother Fritz, too, because we look alike.
Again, I am sorry. You seemed like such a nice man to be sick. You should have more beautiful nurses, though, since you are so rich, but I guess if you have had everything amputated you might not care. You have a lot of hair for a cancer patient, that must be an Arab thing, huh? Will I receive pictures of Sean the Insane, as well?
Here are the pictures, anyway.
Professor Frederick Von Googleheimer, Scatologist First Class
After action review:
Next time I will try to draw the scammer in more and leave everything open-ended so he will think he has a live one.
I over-developed the good professor, but I think that’s okay because now you have all gotten to meet him anyway.
I had fun and expect I will have more fun each time.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Remember, The Good Book says, “Watch out, scammers!”