On Updates

Okay, I apologize for not updating very often, but sometimes there are, Oh I know you won’t believe this, but, sometimes there are more important things that the internet. Occasionally there are even more important things in life than blogging. What sacrilege he speaketh!

I also apologize to Daveman http://daveman.blogdrive.com/ in advance, but he seemed capable to be culpable and besides, since he’s a young fellow about my age he probably still remembers what the term “sense of humor” means. Anyone who can link SCTV Comedy Network http://sctvguide.ca/characters/sctvcast.htm from their blog entry MUST be so equipped.

I know most of you have worn a path (a rut, maybe?) from the computer to the bathroom and from the computer to the fridge. Life is blogging and reading blogs and there is the whole World Wide Web to explore. Who could ask for anything more? What more could there be?

Let me take you to another dimension. A dimension not of bandwidth or of RAM, but of sight (not sites) and sound. You are about to enter the “Get A Life Zone.” Woo-doo doo-doo, woo-doo doo-doo.

Daveman http://daveman.blogdrive.com/ was a blogger just like any other. With no real life to speak of, he monitored his friends’ blogs and RSS feeds and watched his messenger constantly. He could barely stand it when he had to type “BRB” and run off to the bathroom and leave his friends in the chatroom. Since discovering Pizza Hut’s online ordering system @ http://www.pizzahut.com/order/ he only had to go to the fridge if he happened to have leftovers.

Little did he know what awaited him in the “Get A Life Zone.”

***

And now, this word:

“Word”

***

Daveman heard a knocking noise. Immediately he checked his CPU fan and it was okay. He thought he had changed his messenger sound, but it wasn’t that, either. The strange noise was coming from a long-forgotten portal in the wall. The…Oh what was it?…the…d-o-o-r. Yes…someone was at the door.

The door. Daveman recalled with some apprehension that the door was a portal to an unknown dimension. There were no passwords there, no delete button and, he gasped at the thought, no ctrl-alt-del! If he entered that dimension He had to take…hmmm…what was that called? Responsibility. Yes. He had to take personal responsibility for his actions.

Daveman shouted at the portal, “Daveman’s not here, man!”

Daveman recalled how to open the portal. Slowly, carefully, he opened it a crack. A bright, shining orb in the…sky…momentarily blinded him. Herb and Carter the Caveman Cav Man stood there.

“Come on, Daveman, step away from the computer for a minute and stand here on the porch and breathe.”

“You know,” Carter said quietly, so as not to alarm Daveman, “Being a Staff Sergeant In the U.S. Cavalry, I haven’t been able to update my blog http://carterking.blogspot.com/ since March.”

Daveman reeled, almost falling off the steps.

“Better get him a double shot of Geritol; straight up,” Herb said, “He doesn’t look so good.”

Carter explained to him the high quality of self-chiropractic care Dave could give himself just by walking around his block. Plus, his adventures in this new dimension could fuel his blog entries for the other dimension. How many of his fellow bloggers had an actual life?

***

And now, this important message:

Savannah Melody Thiel is now 13 lbs, 9 oz and laughs at her grandpa’s jokes!

***

Daveman wondered in disbelief. Did people really have a life outside of the blogosphere? How could he stand that bright shiny thing in the sky? The warmth of it felt good on his ancient, arthritic shoulders. He stretched ergonomically and suddenly started recalling the Good Old Days. Why, he could remember when a computer the size of his house was required to perform the simplest of calculations. He harked back to his days as a NASA rocket scientist and having to perform functions on a slide rule. He looked around at this new dimension. Here was a new adventure, as great as any he had ever played in any D & D chatroom.

He turned to his newfound friends and asked, “If I enter this new dimension, can I ever go back to the blogosphere?”

“Of course, Daveman,” Said Herb, “You can enter or exit this dimension, which is called, ‘The Real World’ at any time.” Herb explained the intricacies of the doorknob to Daveman and how the portal between the two worlds worked.

***

Another interruption:

I had my friend Dale’s 3 kids at the house the other day, age 5 – 9. I was sitting in Margaret’s plastic chair and gathered them all around me real close.

“Chris!” I said, addressing the middle one, “Pull Uncle Herb’s finger.”

Pull. Noise vibrating the chair extra-loud.

Laughs, squeals of delight and cheers of, “Do it again, Uncle Herb! Do it again! Let me try! Let me try!”

They had never seen this phenomenon of human physiology before! See how important it is to get out once in a while?

***

They walked around the block slowly, bones popping and muscles creaking. All the while Carter talked about Lt Col Custer still being on the rolls of the 7th Cav and Herb blathered on about his dangling participle.

“My bones have never felt this good in a long time,” Said Daveman, “It’s like they are all rearranged correctly. I feel right spry!”

Daveman began to kneel down to kiss the feet of his saviors, smelled the stench that wafted through the tough leather of the Army boots of the Staff Sergeant and decided that handshakes all around were in order instead.

Herb and Daveman watched as the Cavalryman fixed his Stetson to his head, mounted up and rode off into the sunset.

“Who was that man in the Stetson and spurs?” Daveman asked.

“Why, don’t you know?” Said Herb, “That was the Bone Arranger.”

Ummm…I know. The good book says, “Quit horsing around and get back to work.”