Now, I do not know what newspapers you have in your town or area, Here we have 3, 4 if you count The Independent, the free liberal paper (the Denver liberal paper you have to pay for.) but I have discovered a journalistic source of news that is definitely “The Most Reliable Paper In The World.” I know this because it is printed in black and white underneath their name, The Weekly World News.
This is a journalistic wonder and you will not find this news in your local news. I was standing in the supermarket line and decided to read the headlines out loud to Tabitha. Folks standing around were in awe and amazement because they had not heard the fascinating news that not only was an Alien Bible Discovered but they also uncovered the fact that They Worship Oprah! These are the same folks that broke the story about the Two-Headed Bigfoot Shot by Iowa Farmer! This week the unfortunate reporters were attacked by dinosaurs! And I didn’t even know there were two-headed bigfeet, er, bigfoots, um, yetis. They have run photos, actual photos, mind you, of presidents Clinton and Bush shaking hands with aliens. Of course we all know the scandal of the alien baby born to President Clinton. Or conceived by him. Or something… They also ran a photo of the aliens talking to none other than Rush Limbaugh himself. The Great One even referred to this incident on his show the other day.
And would you believe that my wife won’t even allow this journalistic wonder in our house! I know you are all as shocked and dismayed as I am. And there was a story in this week’s copy which didn’t make the front page. It is a scientific or perhaps medical discovery of great import. It was discovered that lawyers and leeches are genetically identical! And who says you can’t believe everything you read?