Tom Swifties

I used up my writing time making up a story for another blog. I enjoyed writing a story, but writing takes time. If you follow Brothers Campfire you’ll likely see it in a few days. I have a couple of entries in the works, but until then, please enjoy one of my favorite jokes, the Tom Swiftie.

1) “I can’t believe I ate that whole pineapple!” Tom said, Dolefully.

2) “That’s the last time I’ll ever pet a lion,” Tom said, offhandedly.

3) “I’ll never sleep on the railroad tracks again!” Tom said, beside himself.

4) “That’s the third electric shock I’ve gotten this week!” Tom said, revolted.

5) “I’m never anywhere on time,” Tom related.

6) “I won’t let a flat tire get me down,” Tom said, without despair.

7) “That car you sold me has defective steering!” Tom said, straightforwardly.

8) “I’ve been on a diet,” Tom expounded.

9) “I’ll have to send that telegram again,” Tom said, remorsefully.

10) “I keep banging my head on things,” Tom said, bashfully.

11) “Look at that jailbird climb down that wall,” Tom observed with condescension.

12) “I remember the Midwest being flatter than this,” Tom explained.

13) “That’s the third time my teacher changed my grade,” Tom remarked.

14) “I’ll have to dig another ditch around that castle,” Tom sighed, remotely.

15) “I’ve lived through a lot of windstorms,” Tom regaled.

16) “I haven’t caught a fish all day!” Tom said, without debate.

17) “That mink coat is on wrong side out,” Tom inferred.

18) “The doctor had to remove my left ventricle,” said Tom half-heartedly.

19) “Elvis is dead,” said Tom expressly.

20) “I swallowed some of the glass from that broken window,” Tom said painfully.

21) “My garden needs another layer of mulch,” Tom repeated.

22) “You must be my host,” Tom guessed.

23) “This is the real male goose,” said Tom producing the propaganda.

24) “I have a split personality,” said Tom, being frank.

25) “I can’t eat any more lemon peel,” said Tom zestfully.

26) “I know what herb would taste nice with this,” said Tom sagely.